Spirituality,  Thoughts

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget: Chapters 12 & 13

Chapter 12: The Part That Loss Plays

Bitterness is a bit of a double-edge sword.

On the one hand, it allows us to feel something when we might otherwise feel numb BUT it wants to set up residence inside all the wounded places inside of us and wear the disguise of all other chaotic emotions.

Grief can make for softening of heart that helps to chip away at the bitterness and allow some perspective to seep in.

It hasn’t taken an extreme scenario of grief to allow me time to process my hurts and ponder perspective; but I recognize that grief comes in a multitude of forms, including but not limited to death.

In my particular situation, my heart has softened where someone I deeply love and am connect to is concerned. It is their loss as a result of the boundaries that have had to be set (by both of us) that leaves me softening.

The folks who have required boundaries are people who, if I never saw again, I probably wouldn’t think twice about. The amount of peace that has come alongside setting boundaries and disconnecting from the dysfunction is indescribable. Shortening the list of people I have to try to factor in and account for and attempt to please has been a welcome change.

Simply put: it has uncomplicated things to a very large degree.

For me.

But the same isn’t exactly true for this person in my life with whom I am connected and love deeply because there’s a history and a bond, regardless how broken, that is uniquely theirs.

It is for this reason that I need – and will – continue to pray for softening of heart and gaining of perspective.

Heaven only knows where that will lead where reconciliation is concerned, but for now, it’s somewhere to start.

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Chapter 13: Bitterness is A Bad Deal That Makes Big Promises

I love this idea of trading in drama for an upgrade: Peace.

That’s exactly what I felt when I drew a line, decided “no more” and turned my attention to the things that actually matter in my life.

This peace, I believe, comes from ability to separate from the drama all together. To avoid having to deal with it and those involved in any capacity.

But what if a circumstance arose that required me to deal with those who thrive in the business of pot stirring? Would that peace still be there?

Probably not.

I believe there would be a heaviness and unsettledness in a place where I prefer peace.

Evidence of unresolved hurt (i.e. bitterness) and unforgiveness.

If resentment is attached to a specific person for a specific incident and bitterness a collective feeling of all resentments, it makes sense to me how I arrived in this place.

Years of standing in front of the firing squad, holding on to that pain and allowing it to multiply rather than doing something about it from the start. Then piling on with another toxic individual and their toxic antics. The snowball effect.

For years I bit my tongue and waited for my someone else closer to the situation to address the issues. For years, time was allowed to pass and issues swept under the rug without being examined. Then the next round of attacks. Rinse. Repeat.

Then when issues were finally addressed, it mattered not. It changed nothing.

Rinse. Repeat.

Finally we have landed where we are currently: boundaries in place, focusing time and energies where it matters most…on those we are responsible to and for within the confines of our own four walls. Teaching others how they can and cannot treat us. Working on our own healing and spiritual walk.

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Friends, we are nearing the end of this journey together. ONE chapter remains. I’m lookin’ forward to crossing this finish line with you! Join me back here in just a couple short days and we’ll wrap this thing up!!

Love & Hugs From Colorado,
-H

Need to catch up? Links to prior reflections: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapters 3 & 4, Chapters 5,6 & 7, Chapters 8 & 9, Chapters 10 & 11

We’re nearing the end but perhaps you feel like you’re just getting started? How about a sweet care package? A gift to yourself for all your hard work, and the work yet to come!

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Quotes, direct and paraphrased, are used throughout this article from “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget” as beautifully written and owned by Lysa Terkeurst

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