Saturated with grief, resources drained from a week long battle with a cold, I awoke to face the miserable day. The day that would have been the due date of my third lost pregnancy. Everything I needed this day hinged upon hearing from God while grieving.
After peeling myself out of bed I switched on auto pilot. Time marches on, regardless of the grief pressing down. I had to march forward as well. In whatever way I could muster.
I started the coffee and opened my Bible but I was unable to absorb anything more than black typed words on white page. I needed to hear from God; to know that somehow this loss, along with the others, were part of his perfect plan for me. That He felt my sorrow and as I cried, He cried.
I needed reassurance that my baby was safe in heaven with Him along with the others. Perhaps heavenly celebration was taking place?
Yet I was hearing nothing. The black words on the white page blurred together. Nothing in this moment, in all of these collected moments made sense.
Then, the soft ping of a text message. A note from a loved one, who knew nothing of my loss or the significance of this day, with this scripture:
For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me when you seek me with all your heartJeremiah 29:11-13
One of my favorite scriptures, particularly in times of struggle, but not one that was immediately coming to mind in these quiet moments when hearing from God while grieving was everything.
A reminder that He has a perfect plan for my life. That somehow, all this loss fit perfectly into that plan and I simply cannot dwell and struggle with this on my own. A reminder that I must seek Him with all my heart.
Also a reminder that when someone falls upon my heart and mind, attention need be paid. Ignoring His gentle (or not so gentle) nudging may mean missing an opportunity to allow Him to speak to someone through me.
My loved one couldn’t possibly know how timely her message was or that the power behind those words was everything I needed. She couldn’t have known that her message was the thing that moved me to facing the day rather than tucking back in bed with the covers pulled tightly over my head.
Her text was the voice of God, carrying a powerful message in response to prayer I couldn’t even put into words, but that He heard from my heart without my even having to ask.
I serve a God who knows and who is faithful to show up, sometimes even through a text message.
Related article on my journey with grief and loss: I’m Hilary and I am 1 in 4
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