I’m soaking in these sentimental thoughts surrounding pregnancy and infant loss – compliments of Ashley Arinez – as we start to wrap up a month of pregnancy and infant loss awareness.
Thank you, Ashley, for sharing and for your beautiful message of hope
[previously published on Ashley’s FB page]
When your body refuses to carry a child to term, there are no words that could describe the pain. There are no words to describe how your body succumbs to the shock and turns to despair and then to rage and ends with a profound numbness.
There are no words to describe how it feels to see the physical remnants of the life that you once carried or the silence that slaps you across the face as you stare at a screen.
There are no words to describe the endless questions that swirl in your mind as you try to drift to sleep or the lack of answers that even scholars or stars will never hold.
There are no words to describe how tears will fall at the sight of a Cardinal watching you from atop a tree as you pass by her nest or witness a mama deer leave her fawn in your backyard on a cool spring morning as she goes out to search for food.
There are no words to describe how your heart can swell with joy to absolute defeat in just one moment as you are told that your child is gone.
There are no words to describe how it feels to know that the world keeps spinning and the sun keeps shining while your life is now at a standstill.
There are no words, but there is hope. There is hope that the grief will know when to hide and that you will find happiness again. There is hope that your body will heal and you will find other reasons to live. There is hope that you can hold on to their memory and one day smile about the life that you carried whether for a few weeks or months. There is hope and we can hold on to that when there are no words.
Meet The Author:
After three previous losses and battling postpartum and general anxiety and depression, Ashley chooses to share her story so that others can see that no matter how dark some days can be there is always hope. You’ll find Ashley talking about ways to incorporate her passions and culture into her daughter’s lives while also encouraging others to hold on to their faith when all else seems overwhelming. Ashley is originally from the south, but currently lives in the Midwest with her husband, two daughters and rescue pit bull.
You can find Ashley on Facebook and Instagram: