A special thank you to Natalie: for sharing her story of secondary infertility and encouraging others to speak up about their grief as well…because we never know who else might need our story.
[A version of this story previously published to Natalie’s Instagram page]
This is what I have learned: when life is hard, my words spill over with richness or they disappear, barren and dry.
Feast or famine.
But friend, we all know that life is both highs and lows, goodness and hardship. We aren’t fooling anyone through our filters and perfectly posed squares. There’s more to you and I than these photos of squishy babes, charming smiles, and beautiful places.
It’s time to share the words that have been holding me back; it’s time to move forward and humbly speak up, not for attention but transparency. I know there are other momma’s out there who haven’t shared – many walking this journey alone.
This weekend marks one year since my first miscarriage.
Oof…those were words I never thought I would type. Honestly, I’ve tried writing this post countless times over the past year and it never felt right, until now. I’m not sure if it’s the one year mark, or the fact that we have been in a constant season of radical dependence – today felt different.
A year ago I was standing on our back deck, watching my husband grill, our son dancing in the sunlight. Tears streamed down my face, “We lost the baby.”
I tried to choke it down, to hold in the emotion. There’s no way to prepare for how hard it is to share the news of a miscarriage.
It’s tempting to silently trudge along. Work, busyness, house projects – all there to mask our emotions; but, at the end of the day when the sweat, work, and to-do lists are done it’s still sitting there. The unknown, uncertainty, the hard questions of why.
Almost nine months later we were nervously sitting in a restaurant with my parents, our son wearing his “best brother” shirt. The air was filled with excitement but I squirmed in my seat, knowing deep down something wasn’t right. The Lord was using this uneasiness and mother’s intuition to prepare me for later that evening when I would begin to lose our second angel baby.
Many are just now finding out what this past year has held. There was never a real justification for not sharing, it came down to one thing – it’s frankly hard to voice.
We share today for one purpose. Momma, speak up!
Articulating the words can be scary, but don’t miss out on giving your family and community the chance to love on you, the chance to hear the hard and let you know that they have been there too. The challenging chapters in your life may look different than mine, but guess what – each chapter deserves to be shared. Let’s celebrate the highs, grieve the lows, and join arms amidst the uncertainties of life.
Secondary infertility can be a long climb, but right now we are taking it a day at a time.
So for now, here’s to our angel babes. His plan is perfect and our story isn’t over yet.
Even though it’s overdue –
Red, white, and blue,
Mama’s gonna celebrate her angel babes, too.
Meet The Author:
“I am dedicated to soaking up every sweet morsel of motherhood and toddlerhood. I am a Wife, Mom, writer, and podcaster with a love for Jesus, lists, coffee, and outdoorsy things. Genuine friendships are my jam and I am committed to finding a balance of intentionality within relationships and all areas of our home. You can find me over at www.simplicitybeckons.com;
https://www.instagram.com/simplicity.beckons/; https://www.facebook.com/simplicitybeckons; or listen in to the Simplicity Beckons Podcast on Spotify and iTunes”