Refreshments with Friends
Guest Post,  Thoughts

When Friendship Turns Painful (Guest Post)

Friends come in all varieties.

You have the friend that has your back whether you are right or wrong, and will always take your side.

You have the friend who will speak truth to you even when you don’t want to hear it, and hold you accountable for your actions.

There is the friend that reminds you that Jesus is the answer to everything. 

Also there is the friend that will dry your tears as she cries right along with you.

Then you have the “friend” who uses words to speak hurt into you for the sake of building herself up.

My Story of “That Friend”

I was once told by a “friend” that I am “mean” and “rude”. These words were spoken to me in front of others, not for the purpose of accountability and constructive criticism, but out of anger for the purpose of hurting me.

I really let those words get to me…for a while.

I grieved in my heart from the pain they caused, and let my mind get carried away with how awful I must be for someone to say that to me.

I struggled with those words, just like I have struggled many times in the past with hurtful words from the same person

Then I asked myself, “Why do you continue to allow this person to hurt me?”

I remembered what God’s word says about encouragement…

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…” 

1 Thessalonians 5:11

That scripture tells me that God wants me to surround myself with those who will encourage me.  If they aren’t, I don’t have to continue to be in their presence.

Friends, you don’t have to continue to allow someone to invade your space with negativity, slander, and hurtful comments.  You do not have to be someone else’s verbal punching bag. 

Some Friends Need Boundaries

After much prayer and discussion with friends who I know have my best interest at heart, I decided to create some boundaries with that person.  I know these boundaries worked for me, so I hope they can help any of you who struggle with this issue:

  • For some reason, when a person hurts us, and we are in the vicinity of them, our hurt starts to take over our thoughts, making us sad, angry, frustrated, spiteful, turning our thoughts in a negative direction. 

    Make the choice to not be in the same environment as the person you are struggling with

    Maybe you skip an event, or meet up for coffee with the others at a different time.  Whatever it takes to not be in the same place at the same time will go a long way in helping you create boundaries.
  • Take a break from their social media pages so you don’t get that influx of information you don’t need to see.

    With social media being so prevalent in our world today, it is easy to get caught up in what that person is doing and saying on their social media site.  When you have been hurt by someone, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking everything negative they post is directed at you. This might be the case. Then again, it might not.  Either way, you are left feeling discouraged. So why do that to yourself?
  • Keep in mind that two wrongs don’t make a right. 

    Our nature is to want to retaliate against those who are hurting us.  But responding negatively does nothing except put you on the same negativity train they are riding.  Rise above.  Be the bigger person.  Don’t return insult with insult.  And don’t use that person as the fodder for your gossip with others. 
  • Remember who you are and Whose you are.

    God sees you differently. He sees your heart. He knows your desires. He knows your intentions.

    And because He knows you so well, He will put people in your path that remind you that you are a good person, that others enjoy being around you, that you make a difference in people’s lives.

-Betty

Related Article: When There’s Nothing Godly Left to Contribute: Boundaries

A sweet little gift for a sweet friend in your life…

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Meet The Author:
Betty Predmore is a writer, speaker and ministry leader who is passionate about helping women find their confidence in Christ.  She does this through her ministry, Mom-Sense, Inc.
She is a wife and mother of 7 who knows a lot about life and laughter, and how to navigate blended families.
Follow her on her website: www.bettypredmore.com

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Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

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